No Mage Food = No Mage Heals!

Ohh that came out the same… I guess I don’t think it’s that hard to understand.

For a while there I was getting so annoyed (and it isn’t the 1st time I have been annoyed about this), that as soon as I zoned into a BG and saw a Mage, but no table I would write in BG chat…

No Mage Food = No Mage Heals!

Occasionally people would join in on the chorus.

Most of the time the Mage would come through with a table.

My Guildy Dara kept saying that I better be careful, or it would catch on… apparently she was right.  When I was on holidays over the Christmas period, she sent me a screen shot… yes someone else clearly stating the facts at the beginning of the BG… No Mage Food = No Mage Heals!

I’ve heard lots of excuses, the most common being a lack of reagents, which always stuns me because what little I know of Gnomeaggedon, I can still create Mage food, if only one stack at a time without reagents (sounds like the good ol’ days) and I generally have 4 stacks myself.. so a quick trade is not out of the question.

Maybe you just don’t know where 1 of the 6 reagent vendors is in Stormwind.

The thing I don’t understand is how they could run out of reagents… they stack in 100, that’s 50 tables before you are out of reagents…

On those occasions where the Mage wouldn’t be forthcoming with scraps from his table, I then declare..

No Heals for YOU Mage!

Just in case there are still Mages out there that haven’t dabbled with the dark side of Healing… Healers know who you are, and are quite capable of making split second decisions about whether to heal you or the guy next to you.

In fact, I have been known to make the decision to heal the other guy – when there was no other guy.

Yes both the mages in this shot are slackers that never voluntarily provide food… though they do when prompted.

Luckily for them, they are my mates, so they get the odd heal for free.

Yes I:

• have stood by and watched you die.
• have seen your yells of

WTF WTB HEALZ

• have said previously No Mage Food = No Mage Heals!
• and finally, yes, I have said No Heals for YOU Mage!

You:

• had your chance to buy some heals… for the cost of two Arcane Powder at 7-10 silver each.
• chose to allow Healers to go OOM without a 0 cost replacement
• chose not to buy insurance
• chose to fight without heals

Good choice.

I encourage all Battleground healers to clarify the terms of healing with the Mages at the beginning of the battle, even if you are fully loaded on Mage food, the others might not, and you have the power to request it.

Gnomer and Out!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

http://gnomeaggedon.net/2012/02/16/no-mage-food-no-mage-heals/

Killing ‘em Slowly was the blog and the post I read was from the dirty filthy Lock of the duo. It was a perfect example of the spreading of STDs and the (im)moral victories that can be obtained through them. We can’t find that post, maybe my memory is failing, but I still clearly remember a post where a boss was killed just as the last raid member went down, one last tick of a dot from a now deceased Lock and the victory was theirs.

Of course a pure, pious, pulpit wielding Gnome like myself would never live amongst those with STDs, let alone gain one and spread it. Spread it not only without conscience, bit with glee.

No, no, never!

Never would we hear of the pure engaging in underworld activities. Never would they be caught in the arms of an illicit lover.

However, I would engage in Leprechaun like terrorist activities involving the laying of time delayed bombs that rip the face off my opponents and their celebrating friends.

You see, I am a Fire Mage

lol… get it?

Fire

Mage

Fire Mage!

Yeah, OK, whatever… I can’t be held accountable for how highbrow your sense of humor is.

Really, what did you expect from a Gnome… /serious?

Yeah it’s been nerfed, limited to 3 targets, but still the joy of the delayed kill is all mine now.

It used to be an issue in PvE, and to be honest it probably still is, if only I would get off my skinny (yet surprisingly cute) Gnomish arse and spec for PvE and run an instance or two.

I’d throw up a few living bombs, quietly Pew Pew away (yeah OK, Flame Strike, Blizzard, Pyroblast, I’d go nuts).  The tank would keep everything under control, maybe use a taunt to keep the mobs in good shape, then…

BOOM!

hehe… all good, tank still has the mobs…

BOOM!

haha… this tank is good…

BOOM!

Ohh shit, where did I put that Ice Block again?

PvP is da BOMB!

In PvP, it’s a bit different (and how I miss the days where you could just sit on the outside and Living Bomb the entire enemy team and just rotate around them).

No one is controlling the “mobs”, the healers always have higher threat than those that can actually soak the damage, and it is so frenzied that one extra debuff dot really isn’t anything to worry about… or is it.

I’ve been scoring a ton of killing blows lately.  Previously I would do a heap of damage, but when the dust had settled, I would be face down in the dirt and the damn Horde would still be healthy, still engaged.

But Living Bomb can change all that.

I may be a ghost at the spirit healer, but I still get to watch my damage scroll down the screen.

I may get taken down by 3+ Horde on the wrong side of the map (Hey, I figure I can keep 3+ Horde very busy for a good few minutes… which is about the time required for our flag carrier to pick up the flag, return it and head back for more).

The thing is that my premature death (well, they might not consider it premature) will be avenged.

While I know I should be popping immediately to get back to the fight, there are times where I just have to lie in my corpse and watch the celebrations.

What is it with these people, all jumping about celebrating the death of one annoying Gnome, High Fives everywhere?  I know when I beat a bunch of Horde, I wander off a good 10-20 yards, just in case my team mates are infected with some disease that will haunt me for the rest of my short life.

No, these guys jump about, practically hugging, sharing the glory and the…

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

So sad, too bad!

So beware the green haired Gnome (I’ve still got my hair, even if I now have a ferret face without my beard), that likes to rub against your in night clubs and battlegrounds.

Make sure you are using protection, because this loving Gnome wants to share his STDs, his living bombs.  He wants to cackle from the grave.

Remember Silly Transmitted Deaths are my forte.

Living Bomb is my tool

Just hope to all that is Gnomish I don’t manage to get a Combustion and an Impact off before I go as well, cause that is a whole new level of party disease and death.

Gnomer and Out!

PS: I’d like to thank John (ha, bet you don’t know who I am talking about do you!) and Rebecca for coming through as Mo Bro’s and Mo Sista’s.  Spreading the word about men’s mental health and prostate cancer is as awesome as participating in Movember.

As for the rest of you, feel free to spread the word, or spread the Mo, or just splash the cash ($1, $2, $5, $10, $1,000 I don’t care how much you give to save lives).

Consider this, 1 in 5 people will suffer from depression at some point in time.  Many families are 5 member families.  That means one of your family (or at the very least friends, work colleagues, or maybe that fella that sells you a coffee in the morning) is thinking the “unthinkable”.

Remember…

Gnomes get the blues too!

Come join my team!

Think of it this way… it costs you nothing to join the team.  Once you join the team, you get all sorts of options for spamming those you know and love with the message of Movember. some of them will give, some of them will learn, some of them will be saved.. and it hasn’t cost you anything!

I wont even mention that the Movember sponsors actually throw freebies at you (which may not be of benefit to you if you live overseas… but it’s the message that counts!)

You can give via Visa, Mastercard, Amex or Paypal.

Paypal, perfect for those abstained coffee donations

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/11/02/livingbomb-is-a-std/

I’m a Mage…

I know I’m a Mage…

I’m a Mage dammit!

Yet why do I constantly see signs that I might be something other, something more insidious, one of the unlucky ones…

A Warlock!

I wonder if I have become too close to those that I hunt. Maybe my regular tussles with Saresa, Syrana, Nibuca, Hydra, Fulguralis (ohh the list goes on) are drawing me slowly, inexorably into their summoning circle.

How else do you explain the signs?

Often I notice that this blog receives 666 views…

While grinding achievements I did myself employing the Dot, Dot, Dot, Loot, Win! strategy.

Even my achievement points are hinting at something I’d rather not contemplate.

While I don’t intend to even do a deal with the demons for a recalcitrant pet, I do wonder if the Mage Fire tree is nothing more than a combination of the Warlock Affliction and Destruction trees.

Of course that is the thing that brings me back from the brink of insanity, drags me from the maw of demonic possession.

I am a Mage, a Fire Mage. I have the power of two Warlock trees in one Mage tree at my disposal. When those Locks split from the Mages all those years ago in their “thirst for power”, the reality was that they were weak, they needed the help of demons to be able to control 1/2 the power contained in one Mage tree.

No, I’m not in denial, I’m in defiance!

The reason I see so many signs is I am so close to the heart of the Demons and their Lock minions. These are the sign posts to their destruction.

One thing is sure…

When I’m finished with them they will be BURNING in hell.

Gnomeaggedon has gone offline.

I’m not going to be about much for the next week due to a couple of important considerations.

1. The Beta download stole my internet quota, well it took 2/3 of it and there is barely enough left to download the live WoW update, let alone play.  All of a sudden I feel like my Magely counterpart Krizzlybear… blessed to be in Beta, cursed to not have the quota to actually play it.
2. Visitors.  I have a couple of real life visitors spending some time with me, so the PC will be off so I can give them my full attention (even if one of them is a stinking Collingwood supporter come to see Collingwood get the Colliwobbles at the Aussie Rules Grand Final. It stinks being a Carlton supporter hosting a Collingwood fan while they attend the grand final that Carlton missed out on… However, for TreeHuggerDave, I will either celebrate with him, or give him a lifetime of shit if the Colliwobbles do strike.)

Gnomer and Out!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/09/19/maybe-im-in-denial/

There have been two exciting developments over the weekend.

Mana Obscura Mage Community Forums

Not one, but TWO new community forums have opened, both dear to my heart.

TotemSpot Shaman Forums

These community forums run the risk of being missed by many, so I think it’s worth spreading the news far and wide.

If you blog or podcast on:

Hunters, Warriors, Paladins, Priests, Rogues, Death Knights, Druids, Warlocks, or of course Mages or Shaman…

Then spread the word!

If you are in a guild with a forum…

Then spread the word!

If you are running laps around Dalaran…

Then spread the word!

We all know that most people either play more than one class, or would like to play another class and will go looking for resources to help them perform at the highest level.  Yes, even Hunters have closet Mage alts, DK worship their ancestors on their Shaman.

We know this because we do this.

So, spreading the word can be as easy or hard as you want to make it.

Give them a simple plug:

New Mage and Shaman forums have opened – go sign up and join in the discussion.

Hide a link to the forums cryptically in your posts.. a little Easter egg for those that choose to be curious:

Warriors are a class unlike others that fling fireballs or lightning bolts

Blame me:

Gnomeaggedon said I have to/should/could/will tell the world under threat of a fireball up the blogroll about the new Mage and Shaman forums.

Whatever you do, whatever your write (or read about), start spreading the word

2 big new community forums!

and they don’t require RealID!

Gnomer and Out, Squidly and Stout!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/07/26/mage-and-shaman-forums-start-spreading-the-news/

let me check…

Ummm no, not really, err, maybe kinda.

No Yankees, but there is some Fire Mage Talent commentary

** WTF! **

So, how ’bout that new 31 point talent tree?

Is the question I got asked, to which I responded…

31 point talent tree?

Yeah, a Gnome with his finger on the pulse… wrong pulse, but there is a pulse there somewhere and a vein, maybe just give me another dozen attempts to jab that needle in…

So what’s the best way for me to approach this… yeah leave it to someone else…

Celeglin writes:

So, how ’bout that new 31 point talent tree? Can’t wait to see your write up.

Honestly, I’m worried. We’re losing a good chunk of our PvP talents and are getting no new ones inside the Fire tree itself.

The Good

• Increased range of Fire Blast. Luvs it.
• Molten Shields affect to Molten Armor now affects spells as well. Too bad I still have no desire to use that armor.
• +20% crit chance on Scorch
• Arcane Repulsion and Improved Blink. Not in the Fire tree, but both very well suited for our PvP play style.

The Bad

• Impact’s proc chance reduced by 3% (this is huge)
• We’re losing our Spell Reflect from Molten Shields
• No more Interrupt immunity from Burning Soul
• Scorch effect only has a 66% chance to proc
• No more instant, free Flamestrikes
• Redesigned Pyroblast does not seem conducive to PvP
• Combustion is just ASKING to be dispelled
• Fiery Payback GONE. No more anti-Execute and no more disarms.
• First tier of Arcane is still pretty lackluster to get at Arcane Repulsion and Improved Blink
• Improved Counterspell is no longer reachable (I didn’t use it anyway); Magic Absorption and Arcane Fortitude are gone.
• The entire Fire tree seems far more geared toward buffing Fireball/FrostFirebolt… But dammit, I don’t want to be casting those spells.

Sorry to vent… got up this morning, saw this and just went “blaaah”. Doesn’t help that the PvE Frost tree is sad too (no more Winter’s Chill and Focus Magic make me a sad Frostie).

Celeglin

To which my real reply was:

Awesome… I was wondering how to post on this… you just did it for me!

My take on going all the way and 31 point talent trees.

On going all the way… Larisa, she of the “I don’t theorycraft Magecraft mentality” has already discussed this.

Personally I like Gnome girls that go all the way, I even like 1/2Gnome/ 1/2Elf girls that go all the way.

When it comes to Fire, it’s just natural that you would go all the way, in fact it feels so natural that I wont call it the fire tree any longer, to me it’s the Nature tree.

When I was a young Mage, I went all the way.. with Nature, (or fire for you non-believers) and I have to say it was so much fun that I forgot that I was 8th on the DPS meters (yeah, that was in 5 mans… ohh well).

To me there was nothing better than mixing Blastwaves and Dragon’s Breath and other “PvP” talents with PvE raiding, in fact forsaking rading talents for PvP talents seemed just natural

THEY WERE FUN!

Sure, they were also useless in a PvE environment (which is where I was at that point in my WoW-life), but I’m not the sort of Gnome that listens to folk that tell me I am doing it all wrong… if I was, I wouldn’t Arena as Fire.

There are two ways of looking at this right now.

• The WoWhead Talent calculator, which gives you a 31 point talent tree and 76 points to spend (err whoops… that’s not right, but you can do just about anything), or
• The MMO Champion “I’m going to bring you right back down to reality” talent calculator.

You know I like options, so if I have an option in this, I am going with WoWhead… I don’t like reality so much, so leave me with 76 points to spend in a 31 point tree and I am almost happy.

Only almost, because knowing that things will change between now and 3.3.666 (the pre-Cataclysm-talent-reset-patch-whose-number-I-just-made-up) I can’t get too worked up about the current state of the talents.

I will say, that if they stay the way they are, we are going to have some fun talent trees, where the talents will be fighting between PvP and PvE It will be kind of a PvPE tree.

The thing I really like, is if you put all your talents into one tree, the ONLY tree, you only have one point left!

What are you going to do with one point?

Just ignore it until it goes away!

Seriously, any noob can see that this will be the only viable spec!

Gnomer and Out!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/07/15/so-how-bout-dem-yankees/

Some…

… may think we have dropped the ball, turned our backs, forgiven them for past indiscretions.

Which is why, while I mourn the loss of a Great Mage blogger and rejoice at his tardy switch to fiction.

I mean, who can not love a category list like this:

I do not forget that which the Warlocks have forged.  In fact, inspired by Rip’s words such as:

Saresa. In honour of warlocks such as yourself, every six months I level one to twenty and then delete it whilst cackling.

and

Megan. I’d let you corpse camp me any day. If you know what I mean. And I mean SEX.

Hang on, that last one doesn’t quite fit what I am really trying to say… but I am inspired to queue on the corpse pile.

I second Rip’s thoughts on Jong as well… I mean any man with the audacity to tame BigBearButt for his alt Hunter is a god among gods. (and if you missed Jong’s temp post… well… maybe it’s time you subscribed to his secret feed)

Anyway.. back on topic, I to have been tardy in revealing the other entries in the Save a Soul Today competition I was running.

There is a kind of strange irony in these last two entries.. if you recall, I was calling upon Mages (primarily) to either CC and screenshot a Warlock, or describe a 10 step rehabilitation program for the poor lost souls (no not the stones, the evil keepers of the stones).

The irony is, that these two entries are from...

WARLOCKS!

Mage on Mage action + Sheep

(Just watch the spam & Google searches come in on that one!)

Mage on Mage Sheeping

I begin with this strangely named screen shot.. you see, this Lock has a secret double life… as a Sheep…

Ohhh no.. this Lock has a secret Mage he keeps in the cupboard.

(btw.. it’s not all that clear from the screen shot.. but apparently that sheep wears goggles!)

Bun Mage in the oven

While that Warlock might be keeping a Mage in his cupboard, the other entry has a Mage in the Oven.  The dear little Mage is probably kicking and screaming night and day…

MUUUM.. why you got to be a Warlock?

MUUUM.. repent NOW!

MUUUM… at least help the other Locks get away…

So from deep within near her bowels, comes this…

Save a Soul – Illidan’s 10 Step Program

1. Repeat this prayer each morning upon waking:

Illidan, please grant me the Serenity to perform magic without the use of souls,
the Courage to do so,
and the Wisdom to still be more powerful than a mage.

2. Admit you are powerless over your soul addiction and believe that Illidan’s power can help restore you.

3. Stay away from warlocks that are still addicted to soul stealing and demons that encourage it.

4. Attend weekly support groups with other warlocks in soul recovery.

5. Find a sponsor, preferably a warlock that has been soul free for at least one year.  Otherwise, a mage could suffice temporarily.

6. Send apologies to those whose souls you’ve tried to steal.

7. Return all soul shards in your possession to the next of kin.

8. Burn your soul shard bag.  Make it a celebration and perform this with your support group.

9. Take personal inventory of your strengths without the use of souls.  Examine why you began to use souls so you can identify relapse triggers.

10. Find other warlocks in need of help and guide them to the 10 Step Program.

At the end of the day, you we find peace in the bottom of a glass

Amicus Fidelis - Loyal Friends

Really, we aren’t all that different… them and us.

We both share a love of destruction, even if one tries to convince themselves of their destructive power by naming their Tree as such.. of course we are confident in our abilities… the word Mage = Destruction… 3 Trees of destruction.

We both like to incapacitate our foes before devouring them in a burst of Magic

There are times when we can sit peacefully at a barroom table and share tales of the Hunters we have destroyed, singularly and together.

Yes, it is true, I do hold some affection (or is that affliction) for Warlocks.  I can still be heard on Twisted Gnomer Blogcast siding with the Warlocks against the Hunters… but be sure I will never truly trust them.  I’m all for a friendly beer at the bar, before heading outside for a friendly brawl.

Most importantly… as Evil as Warlocks may be, they don’t send spam my way (I would really like to know why I have had 6 months worth of spam since those unworthy Hunters mentioned the misleading state of Mage blogdom)

I’d like to thank My Mother…

I’d like to thank Cynwise for the screen shots (and Psynister for being the “on Mage” or “on sheep” or however they like to describe their relationship)

I would also like to that the little Mage and his/her mother-to-be, Syranna for the 10 step program.  I’m sure she isn’t up to step 6 yet, as I know she is completely unrepentant about stealing my soul, or refusing to give it back.. but shy she put it inside her teddy bear to cuddle each night when she has Sideshow I will never know.

I’d like to thank Euripedes one more time… I’m sure there will be more times.. but one more time for Ol’ CriticalQQ’s sake.. It was a blast!

I’d actually like to thank you all… this is post 699… the next one is 700… the one after that is 701… but I guess you guys could work that out.

It’s also nearly 2 years since I started blogging… I started for me, I continue for me… but these 700 699 posts have really only been made possible by your continued support and encouragement in the face of Warlocks and Hunters across Azeroth!

Which I guess means I should thank my 1st, longest, staunchest supporter and blogging friend as well… yeah that’s you Granny!

Ohh finally… remember to either help out, or at least use Gazimoff the Librarian‘s resources.. the list is growing, but I am still sure he has only scratched the top of the pimple on the giant’s nose.

Gnomer and Out!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/06/08/dont-take-your-eyes-off-them-dont-give-up-the-fight/

Here I am!

I’m the misleading Mage..

I mean it has to be me, right?

There are only two Mage bloggers and one of them give misleading information.

Well, I don’t give accurate theorycrafting mumbo-jumbo that is more appropriate in an engineering manual.

Which poses a dilemma… if I am the misleading Mage, who is the one with the good information?

It could have been Euripedes… NO NOT THAT euripides, OUR Euripedes… the good one, the cool one, the one we are crying about losing but excited about his fiction blog.

It could be one of the other 69 (/snicker) Mages on my Mage blog roll… more maybe the other dozen that I have been too busy to add.

It could have been Larisa.. after all, she is a respected blogger… she’s a blogging Mage, if not a Mage Blogger… well she is that, was that, her earlier posts go very close to theorycraft, but really, like all Mages she has grown beyond the numbers, the rotations, the…

you’re a noob if you don’t do x

She is not just intelligent, she is sophisticated.

Alright.. she’s HAWT! (but maybe only a Gnome can appreciate that!)

More to the point, maybe only Mages can appreciate that.. you see there are some very important differences between Hunters and Mages and this is very apparent in the bloggers that write about them

We is Smart, they is dumb!

Well, of course intelligence is relative.. sure I can’t pull an engine apart (well, I’m sure I can pull it apart.. putting it back together…), and I sure as hell don’t know the spots that fleas like to hide on a smelly, wet wolf pet.. I guess that’s kinda intelligence.. kinda maybe…

But they need all those tech schools… they need 45 different bloggers that they can spend 10 weeks with while they learn how to turn auto attack on (WHAT? It’s on by default! there’s your mistake right there!).

They could go to one Mage blog.. maybe even two, even if the second one was misleading.. but that would be information overload… that would be like telling them you can put two bullets in the gun at the same time, only to see them try to stuff the 2nd right in there after the 1st..

Maybe if I use a hammer… a big hammer…

Even BRK mentioned in the podcast that all will be revealed in Cataclysm…

Hunters don’t just feign death… they feign smart and this will be revealed when Blizzard strips them of their feign-mana-bar.

Mages don’t need to be educated – we just know!

You can’t play a Mage unless you are smart, you die, repeatedly, time after time…

then you reach level 2…

unless you are smart enough to be a Mage.. then you don’t die until the Huntard beside you feigns after pulling aggro…

… but I just read about feign death here on page 4,386 of Huntarding for Dummies!.

When a Mage asks another Mage…

How do you Mage?

The other Mage will reply.

Sort your basic rotations, then flow with the music.  You will know what to do when the time comes!

Does the newbie Mage need more information to pull Aggro?

Hell NO!

We are power.. we are MAGES!

Huntarding is a science, Maging is an ART

Hunters need their 45 blogger instruction book.  Without it, they would be left with an Ikea table and 4 spare screws..

Efficient.. maybe..

Likely to fall apart under the slightest bit of stress, definitely… it also gets expensive using all that tape to hold it together long enough to avoid a wipe.

Whereas, you can’t teach a Mage how to Mage.

Sure you can teach them not to pick their nose while unleashing a Pyroblast, but the thing about Maging is… we ween the hunters out in the first 20 levels… 10 for most of them when they discover there is no auto-fireball

(yes it takes them 10 levels.. like it takes these 1337 hunter’s 10 levels to learn how not to kill their future companions… then another level to learn how to feed them, if ever.. you know some Hunters just tame new ones every time the previous one deserts them!).

It’s like saying Gnome engineering is a science… it’s not, it’s an art.  You can do it or you can’t.

Yes, Mages only NEED to press 1-3 buttons…

Good Mages KNOW how to press them all, and when, and against who, and what will happen (well we all know what will happen… we’ve all visited the spirit healer courtesy of a Mage before right?).

We don’t NEED to press them, we WANT to press them.

You don’t get a symphony with 3 instruments, you get it with an orchestra.

We Mages make beautiful music with our magic.  It’s not something you can learn from a blog.  It’s something we are born with, then grow into while waltzing through the hordes with Fire, Ice and Arcane.

I know my Mage Music, you can read about it, while you read about me.

Quite simply, you are a Mage, or you are not!

There are only two Mage blogs…

lol… FOOLS!

You think we would mix with you mere mortals in a public house on the ground?

You think Dalaran floats in the sky by accident?

Consider yourself to be privileged to walk the ground beneath our conjured ivory towers!

It is true that most Mage bloggers started their Mage Blogging adventures because of the apparent lack of, well, Mage Blogs.

Yet, that is the first test on the trial of power.

You need to seek knowledge, not just grab the well thumbed copy of Field & Scream off the nearest shelf of the nearest convenience store.

Quite simply, if you can’t find more than 2 Mage blogs, you are not worthy of finding more than 2 Mage blogs.

Yes, even the new Mage bloggers discover this.. wielding their level 1 Mage blogging skills they start to build their tower of words, only to discover they are not alone, but held in high esteem by the rest of us for rising to the challenge.

They are dress wearing…

Umm, sure we are dress wearing.

Ohhh yeah…

Real men don’t eat quiche… don’t dress in pink… don’t use beauty products…blah, blah, blah…

We are prepared to raid in negligee, to PvP in skirts, to Arena in frocks.

Yes, there are times we need to Iceblock, yes there are times we need to Blink… maybe even use a little sleight of hand to become transparent or create illusionary copies of ourselves…

BUT

We never cower in fear, nor feign(t) at the sight of an incoming mob.

Just because we are secure in our power, not needing to dress ourselves in oily engine parts-turned armor we are weak?

Talk to the Fireball!

…Frost Wielding…

lol yeah… that must bug you hah.

HUNTERS ARE THE ULTIMATE PET AND KITING CLASS….

RUN FOR THE HILLS, IT’S A FROST MAGE!

Seriously though, BRK was talking about playing the game (spec you love) without fear that you would be left from a raid…

• Fire… topping DPS charts…
• Arcane… topping DPS charts…
• Frost… topping DPS charts…

Yeah, if you can work the magic like Krizzly can, you top the charts and make the hunters /cry

But then, that… that is ART… not science!

Enjoy your time as a sheep

… and they are short…

Well, there’s the dwarf calling the Gnome short…

Umm what is that word that modern society uses to describe short people…

I’m sure it isn’t Gnome!

Hunters blog to save the inept, we blog to share the fun

Nearly every Mage blog you encounter will have a theorycraft post, maybe even two or 3.

Often there will be a prepatch post about our new superpowers.

We don’t need any more.

We can’t teach what we do.

What we can do, is:

• Share the joy, the joy of destruction, the joy of death… other people’s deaths.
• We can share the joy of a slow fall, a polymorph, a blink.
• We can share the joy of victory against the odds
• We can share the joy of learning a new composition, one that will sooth the savage beast (err. death is classified as soothed is it not?) or rock the house down.
• We can share the inspiration

For truly, being a Mage is being inspired…

Being a Mage blogger is being inspiring…

The award to the most misleading Mage blogger goes too…

Larisa and I knocked up a couple of theory craft posts a while back for a returning Mage Blogger that has become so engrossed in his arcane studies that he hasn’t come down from his tower to answer the door bell.

So, just to set the record straight, over the next couple of days, I will unleash the mighty power of Mage theorycraft from a Gnome’s perspective.. two Gnomes to be precise.

Gnomer and Out!

PS: Thanks to all the crew at Hunting Party Podcast and BRK as well for giving us a laugh during episode 34 (Episode 35 is about PvP Hunters… you know /autoattack /afk)… I know it was in good humor and, just in case you missed it, so is this post (ha.. got ya! if you do it twice you are a a hunter… kk?).  I hate to admit it, but it was good to hear the BigPinkDressWearingKitty’s voice… I hope I inject half that joy for WoW into my posts.. I know I feel it, and it’s great to hear it reflected in someone else’s!

PPS: Thanks to Larisa for getting me to use my newly reestablished internet quota to download and share in the laugh (I had to wade through an hour of boring Hunter stuff to get there though… errr… jk!)

PPPS: Thanks to complete strangers Wordpain, for lending me the robe and Alfas for joining me in a bit of Gnome Mage Dress-wearing-Dorf-Hunter silliness

PPPPS: I got BRKBarbie to level 2 through.. can you guess… umm yeah.. /AFK auto-attack.. good to know some things haven’t changed… and they think this stuff is hard?

They should try conjuring strudel for 25!

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http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/06/02/misleading-mages-gt-theorycrafting-huntards/

Level of difficulty

I got a couple of great entries for this part of the contest. I also got a running commentary from Prelimar about the difficulties of capturing Locks.

I don’t think he had problems capturing them, just screen-shotting them, particularly in Wintergrasp where the little buggers run in packs.

Alterac Valley, Isle of Conquest and Eye of the Storm aren’t particularly screenshot friendly zones either. To be honest it’s rarely a PvP zone, with many an AV flashing by with Drek being the only encounter and as for those docks…. However, if you do manage to find someone to beat down they have mates who may disagree with your desire to “pacify, tag and release”.

Our winner says:

Taking it to a new level

So as the level of difficulty is already established for this task at a high level. One would expect at best one frenzied, blurry screenshot of a lonely Lock.

Yet the winner came out of this with 4 screenshots, a price on her head and a wanted poster as proof of her ability to subdue Locks when they should be at their most powerful.

The irony for me in this is, that while Locks are putting a price on her head to stop the CC, I’d be putting a price on her head to join the campaign for Lock rehabilitation.

Unfortunately the winner isn’t a Mage… Well she is a Mage, or was a Mage, but like many Mages is experimenting with something a little different… A Druid.

Some might suggest that Druids are Priests of Nature… Personally I like to think of them as Bush Mages… There is definitely a bit of Arcane in them.

The clincher about this entry for me is in the last pane. While the Blueberry is humorous, it’s the name in big red letters that caught my eye immediately.

Click for bigger Lock humiliation

A certain instigator of the Murder a Mage campaign goes by the name Aphroditi… Mmmmm Aphrodite… While the two Locks are not the same, maybe I can dream it’s a cousin.

I’d love to think we could rehabilitate Aphroditi’s family member, though I dare say there is only one end for any Lock from this family tree.

Speaking of family trees… The other entry I got to this competition is from an erstwhile Lock, that went Mage to sheep a Lock.

I know they are playing both sides of this war… Maybe more on that next post…

So, congratulations to Cathy from Magerly Different for being the winner of Papa Hummels pet biscuits.

Maybe you can use them on your cat form?

Ohhh and the Murder a Mage winner’s entry is awesome… though I think Cathy would be able to bag them, and Jesse give them the rehab they are crying out for (I had a bit of fun with the armory link… I had the Lock crying… I’m such a silly Gnome)

If I had as much graphical talent as they have in their little finger…

On a side note, there are lots of blogs that exhibit graphical talent and Magerly Different is no exception and as a parting note I will draw your attention to a little post from Magerly Different that had a little recipient in mind… Yeah me! It was a birthday post to me.

Really I shouldn’t have expected anything less for the competition.

Alright, traditionally I don’t have one parting note do I… So on a slightly different subject, but related to graphical talent, have you been following The Daily Blink? There are a great series of magazine covers for all the classes. Personally I think the Paladin & Shaman ones are awesome, but the Mage one is great as well.

Did Nibuca have to read out the 10 steps?

Same great show, Same time, New day – 8pm PDT TUESDAYS!

Thanks again to Fimlys & Nibuca the awesome hosts of Twisted Nether Blogcast.  They had their 1st show at the new Tuesday night timeslot last night.. can’t wait to grab it off iTunes (maybe you want it get it off Zune?) over the next couple of days.

Gnomer and Out!

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http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/05/20/save-a-soul-today-why-buff-a-pet-when-you-can-buff-yourself/

• I have consulted the Oracles (well, my Oracle pup at least).
• I’ve tossed the Warlock bones (some just can’t be saved OK… I’m a great believer in “waste not, want not”, so I have a side business flogging wards of protection from Locks to desperate, but dim witted Warriors).
• I’ve read and reread the entries and I am unhappy to say that the winner isn’t a Gnome!

However, while this race my not be playable for a few months yet, I can see that they have the makings of great Wizards.

So, without further ado, the winner of The Footsteps of Illidan loot code is…

Actually… Twisted Nether Blogcast live as this post goes live (8pm).. so you could go listen to that right…?

Nazzle’s Shady Grotto Rehabilitation Clinic

Realizing there was a market for rehabilitating Warlocks that was largely unexploited, the beneficent goblin Nazzle decided to step in to help with this problem at a large profit for himself. For maximum effectiveness and profitability we follow the three S’es: Security, Speed, and Profit.

To cover security, we chose a remote cave system to house our facilities, and caved in the entrance. The only way in or out is through a portal, so escape is much cheaper to prevent. We also reverse-engineered the Summoning prevention system used at Tempest Keep on the off chance that one of our patients manages to bribe another Warlock.

We also have a deal with the Sha’tari Skyguard for specially trained Nether Ray’s to inhibit spell casting, and in extreme cases provide shock therapy.

For speed we have a specially designed “10 Steps to Freedom” program.

Step 1 - Bag and Demon Removal

We do this to ensure our patient will not have access to soul shards, remove their dependency on Demons, and help cut all ties to their old Warlock way of life. This process usually requires some force, but any damage done will just make Step 2 that much quicker. Part of our Nether Ray training is specifically designed to prevent Imp summoning as well, and all our patients are accompanied by at least three Nether Rays at all times.

Step 2 – Death

Warlocks rarely go long without a soul stone, and the quickest way to remove this is death. It may sound cruel, but we have trained healers on call to provide resurrection if necessary. Tough love is much quicker and effective, and time is money.

Step 3 – Fire

Fire has a cleansing effect in nature, and even Druids approve it’s controlled use in forests to clear brush and rejuvenate the area. At NSGRC we use fire as a form of rehabilitation. It’s used extensively in Step 2, and we use fire spells as a link crossing the gap between Warlock and Mage. We have counseling sessions where our patients are allowed to decimate target dummies with fire spells. These sessions are lead by Mages and are used to train our patients some of their first Mage spells. Accidents do happen, and our healers are well trained in treating burns.

Step 4 – Food/Water

Our patients are only allowed to eat and drink what they can conjure themselves. This does lead to some dehydration and starvation, but fasting is used by many races throughout Azeroth to clear the mind. This also cuts down our costs, and increases profitability. Our on-call healers do provide resurrection when necessary.

Step 5 – Falling

When choosing our location we ensured that an area would be available for Slow Fall training without taxing our overworked healers. The 50 foot waterfall works nicely, and the pool at the bottom catches the slow learners. Some of our patients are a bit hesitant about jumping, but a little shock from our Nether Rays is more than enough to get them over the edge. We have a Water Elemental in the pool at the bottom to provide an icy incentive to learn quickly, and provide an introduction to Step 6.

Step 6 – Ice

Besides the waterfall pool, we also have several Water Elementals employed in a refrigeration cave. After several sessions with our fire counsellors from Step 3, our patients tend be enthusiastic about attending a session that does not involve burning. This tends to be the most calming part of the rehabilitation as brain functions tend to slow down considerably at the temperature maintained in the refrigeration room. In order to cut down on frostbite, these sessions involve games of musical chairs with chairs made entirely of ice, and the loser being trained first hand on encasing themselves in an ice block.

Step 7 – Polymorph

Once a patient has demonstrated their ability to feed themselves, we transfer the feeding of their Nether Ray guards to them as well. Like all caves this one is home to a large contingent of Trogs, but Trogs are not one of a Nether Rays preferred foods. A simple polymorph however will provide the Nether Ray with edible food, and being awoken in the middle of the night by three hungry Nether Rays provides significant incentive to learning quickly.

Step 8 –  Blink

At this point in the program, the patient is eating regularly again and has the caloric energy to participate in our obstacle course. This course is specifically designed so Blink is required to complete it without falling down a crevasse or being caught by one of the more dangerous obstacles. Knowledge of fire and ice magic will also provide an edge on completing the course quickly and safely. These races are telecast so you can check up on your soon-to-be Mage friend, and of course we have goblins available to take bets on the outcome.

Step 9 – Arcane

The arcane Mages we have employed are rather secretive about their counseling methods, but with the results they have provided their requests for soundproofing and one way locks on the doors seem very reasonable. Their record for injuries is also lower than any other two sessions put together, and the few cases of partial polymorphation have all been adequately corrected.

Step 10 – Teleportation

This is the final step of the process, and ensures that our service is guaranteed. Patients are not permitted to leave until they can teleport themselves out.  After our therapists have deemed the patients ready to return to society, all therapy sessions are doubled and sleep is forbidden.

Our Profit is your guarantee!

Profit is always a part of any Goblin enterprise and NSGRC is no exception. For the low price of just 20,000 gold we include an exclusive restraint and pick up service. Our ten step program is guaranteed to turn any Warlock into a functioning member of society as a Mage.

For legal purposes NSGRC is classified as a prison, but please remember we treat all our patients with the utmost care. Our legal status just allows us to rehabilitate our patients that much more quickly and cheaply than the competition.

So please tell your friends, but please keep Warlocks in dark.

The element of surprise is a very effective therapy tool.

Thanks for your time,

Jesse <– THE WINNER!

Ummmm.. thanks for MY time?

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!

What an awesome entry amongst entries… there was a certain Lock that nearly pulled it off.. you know, knowledge from the inside… maybe I’ll post that… maybe she wants to post it herself…

However, I hereby announce that Jesse is the All-Azerothian Rehab specialist.  I’ll contact you shortly with the loot code.

To be completely honest, I think the real winners today are the Mages, the once-were-Locks and, of course me!

New day, same time – 8pm PDT TUESDAYS!

Special thanks to Fimlys and the Twisted Nether Blogcast for helping me out with this one.  I hope that Nibuca was there and managed to read this out.. please tell me she did… please…

Ohhh… what about the screenshots CC’d Locks… I know who… you will tomorrow!

Yeah, I know, that’s kinda cruel… but rubbing shoulders with Locks during their treatment does that.

Of course if they were (or are) listening to TNB Live, they would/will know!

Gnomer and Out!

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http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/05/19/we-have-a-winner-10-step-warlock-rehab-program/

Save a Soul TODAY!

I have shown you my Lock, now show me yours!

Yeah folks, that’s right, there is little time left if you want to get your hands on one of the two cards up for grabs.

At this very moment in time, your entry could easily be a winner… but only if you get it to be before the 18th of May.. this Tuesday!

I haven’t checked in with the Warlocks to see their Mage kill count, but I’d hate them to win this with a few little do

Twisted Nether Blogcast has moved it’s Live recording to Tuesday nights, the 1st show… Tuesday 18th of May.

Unfortunately this time coincides with my Wednesday working day, but if you get your entries to be before the show starts, I will (try to) drop a line to Fim and maybe your win can get squeezed onto the show.

The prizes:

for Best Screenshot of you turning Warlocks into Non-Combat pets, is Papa Hummel’s Old Fashioned Pet Biscuits

For best 10 step program, is The Footsteps of Illidan (Yeah, take that Locks… here’s you pin-up used to sell our 10 step program!)

Sheep’em, Shoot’em or Rehab’em

At the end of the day I don’t care how you get them back on the right path… just don’t wait too long, or I will have to give the cards back!

Gnomer and Out!

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http://gnomeaggedon.net/2010/05/15/so-many-locks-so-little-time/