With apologies to Nibuca for, as always, treating her Locksensible questions with my own brand of Gnomesense.
She was lamenting the lack of 5 man rewards for geared players.
This made me think of all the ways underachievers miss out.
How will they ever:
- Close the gear gap between themselves and the Hardcore?
- Get to see a raid?
- Solo an elite?
- Get achievements, particularly violet protodrakes?
I think the time has come to redress the balance and I have found the perfect vehicle for these achievements.
Lu’Zor Trolls
There is a little known faction in WoW. You won’t find them mentioned in WoW lore. The reason being that they are the outcasts of outcasts.
Yes a Troll tribe that no one likes, not even other Trolls. They inhabit the forgotten yet unforgiving zones of WoW… Under remote bridges, Official forums, Trade chat, even the Dalaran bank steps.
Let’s recognize the Lu’Zors of WoW.
The time has come to recognize the Lu’Zor Trolls through achievements and gear. The gear itself is directly related to the achievements. If you are too good to get the achievements, you deserve neither the “the Lu’Zor” title nor the epic gear that goes with it.
Epic gear?
You are right, these achievers don’t deserve epic gear, they deserve LEGENDARY gear.
Let’s face it, they are legends (in their own lunch boxes).
What’s on Offer?
A title of course, but only for those that truly deserve it.
To receive the “the Lu’Zor” title you must complete all of the achievements.
Not all of these are known just yet, but data mining for the 3.4, post-Icecrown, Pre-Cataclysm patch have revealed the following.
A Tabbard
Achievement: Lu’Ztard
On gaining honored reputation with the Lu’Zor Trolls, or hated with 3 in game factions, or detested on the official forums or Trade Chat (a new mechanism will be introduced in 3.4 to gather everyone’s low opinion of you), you can purchase the Tabard of the Lu’Zor.
This will cost you 12,000 gold (ironically the same price as a choppa) and is proof itself that you are a real Lu’Zor if you would spend the money on this novelty item.
Note: this item will also be available on the Blizzard Store. Blizzard likes to part Lu’Zors from their real life cash.
On-equip bonus: It has the on-equip bonus of reducing all party and raid members stats by 10%
Targetting Helm
Achievement: Hit Me, Hit Me!
Only achievable in Battlegrounds, but in a variety of ways.
AB: Allow 10 bases to be captured while you are within 20 yards and take no action.
WSG: on 10 occasions, steal the enemy’s flag but remain in their flag room until they steal yours, return, kill you and cap.
EoTS: Cap a flag with less than one tower controlled. This only needs to be done once.
AV: Spend an entire battle in the Field of Strife 10 times.
On-equip bonus: Permanent hunters mark placed on player giving a 10% bonus to all damage received to the player in PvP or PvE environments.
Medallion of the Lu’Zor
Achievement: Full Medallioned Lu’Zor.
Another PvP reward given for allowing 50 flag cappers to pass you buy without any offensive action.
On-equip bonus: randomly procs class specific CC ability on wearer.
Gloves of the Fumbler
Achievement: Can’t Bat, Can’t Bowl
Awarded in Occulus after 5 failed attempts in any one instance run.
On-equip bonus: 5% chance to disarm wearer on any hit, shot or spellcast.
Boots of Two Left Feet
Achievement: Breakdancing Lu’Zor
Achievable by dying to Heigan’s safety dance either on 10 separate occasions, or 5 attempts in a single Naxx run.
On-equip: reduces agility, dodge and hit. Additionally will cause your character to move slightly left, right, backwards and forwards when moving.
When /dance emote is used, will cause player to fall flat on face after dancing for 5 seconds.
Cloak of the Ooze
Achievement: Hector the Cat*
Achievable by dying to Frogger on 10 separate occasions; 5 times within a Naxx run; or 3 times within 5 minutes.
On-equip: randomly drops a bad green patch at the feet of the wearer and stuns them for 5 seconds preventing them leaving the bad.
Harpoon of Horror
Achievement: Wot Poon?
A 300 iLevel polearm item (equipable by any class) that is awarded after successfully allowing 5 harpoons to despawn, or 3 successful misses when in the Gauntlet of Utguarde Pinnacle.
On-equip. Randomly removes one ability from any usable vehicle. Additionally any offensive abilities of that vehicle have a 50% chance to misfire causing no damage.
Shoulders of Stupid
Achievement: Someone Smell Something Burning?
Achievable by standing in the bad until death on 5 occasions.
On-equip: reduces Intellect, Spirit and Spell damage by 20% while increasing stamina by 5%
Chestguard of the Cretin
Achievement: Crit, Crit, Dead!
Achievable by pulling aggro from the designated tank on 3 occasions in any instance or raid and of course, dying.
On-equip: increases threat generation by 30%
QQ Rings
Achievement: If I was a Mage…
Another vendor item costing 12,000 gold each (go on, complain about their cost!)
They aren’t unique, in fact it is intended that both ring slots are filled with QQ.
On-use: Friendly target has their class nerfed by 10%. Effect lasts for 1 hour, 30 second cooldown.
Any Other Miners?
I’m hoping that some of my readers have done some data mining of their own and may have discovered some Lu’Zor achievements and gear that they will share with us… Please do!
Lu’Zor for life.
Something I forgot to mention is that “Once a Lu’Zor, always a Lu’Zor“. These Legendary items aren’t BoE, or even BoP.
They are B2CIoP – Bind to Character Immediately on Pickup.
Once equipped there are only 3 ways to rid yourself of these items.
- Delete and reroll Hello Kitty
- Solo Sunwell Plateau
- Defeat Alagon on 25 man hard mode.
Bloody Blizzard Panda-ing to the Casuals
Hardcore QQing because nub casuals get everything these days?
Pffft… Why are they looking this gift horse in the mouth?
You think we are singling out the Hardcore Lu’Zors with these achievements and gear
Come on, imagine trade chat…
Lu’Zor Achievement run. Must be Lu’Zor geared – link Achievements for invite.
Ok, maybe you are right, maybe I am putting undue focus on Hardcore Lu’Zors, but the beauty of this rep and achievement grind it that anyone can do it.
- You are a noob that can’t decide whether your Mage should equip a bow or gun? Achievements for you!
- Alagon on Farm, Hardmodes = softbore? Let’s see how Alagon likes a 25 man Lu’Zor raid!
Why do a buff (naked) run when you can do a debuff run?
You don’t think the hardcore would want more achievements designed for the lowest common denominator? Post this on the official forums and see how many respond with their support!
You know it makes Gnomesense!
Gnomer (the Lu’Zor of Gnomeregan) and Out!
* I was looking for a link to info on Hector the road safety cat… anyway back when I was a kid we had a big fluffy cat telling us all about road safety… Of course the poor guy that wore the suit got hit by a car while crossing the road.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.
http://gnomeaggedon.net/2009/12/02/rewarding-the-underachievers/
Bubba Gump Shrimp – Trinket
Achie – Run, Forest, Run!
Die three times in a raid because you started the next pull before the healer(s) had a chance to mana up.
BoA, and is instantly shared with all toons on an account.
On equip – Reduce all healing done in party by 25%, and upon killing a Boss, chance to proc that causes the player to run to the next Boss.
and to measure it… If the healer is in the previous room/80 yards away
I’m read that blizzard are doing some work with the Lu’zor trolls and the /y.
All /y’s are being screened for key words.
apparently yells similar to the following are being screened for and are instigating Feats of Strength achievements with passive skill changes.
“CAN SOMEONE RUN ME THROUGH STOCKTADES”
will give the feat of strength: “Dungeon Smungeon my packs are full”
This will give a permanent passive skill: that in all future 5 mans the Lu’Zor will have full packs and be running in red gear.
“XYZ IS A NINJA, THEY JUST STOLE MY ORE”
will give the feat of strength: “Is that your mummy calling?”
This will activate the passive skill: that all nodes within the region the Lu’Zor is in will be marked as belonging to said Lu’Zor
any /y that has “YOUR MUM”
will give the feat of strength: “I thought I had a pubic hair, until I pissed out of it”
This will activate the passive skill: all female forms including mobs will appear attractive. The Lu’Zor will remain unsure what they are meant to do and how they should engage with the female forms.
Other blogs feel that it will be likely Lu’Zors will be seen in chat saying “Have you seem the lumps on that slime?”
Ohhh nice ones Mr. Tree… I knew there was some reason I liked you!
I lol’d at the Someone Smell Something Burning achieve. After a weekend of healing heroics where nub ranged dps stood in the fire, got feared because they were too close to fights they didn’t have to be, or tanked in the bad continuously, that achievement would have been worn out. Still can’t really get over a tank blaming me for his death when he AND A MAGE spent the entire BK fight in the big circle of bad. Lu’Zor’s.
That said, I don’t mind casuals getting decent gear – I’m one myself, having very little time to raid these days. It’s not Blizzard’s fault though that some of its player base couldn’t be trusted to touch their nose best out of three attempts. It’s the fault of people who stay grouped with these idiots. I have a two strikes policy: Screw up once and I can accept it as an accident. Die in the fire twice and I’m out.
I have no problems with the “casualization” either. If I did I would still be stuck with one character that couldn’t enter 5/10 mans…
Still, I can poke a bit of fun (at myself)
“Boots of Two Left Feet”
lololol
Yeah… Gnomer’s conroller wears these on a daily basis…
Hood of Narcisism
Achievement: Hey, at least “I” didn’t die… (I should be bold)
Only available to mages.
Use Ice block right before Sapphiron uses his Ice breath attack, and having at least 2 party members die because they think they are safe behind your Ice block.
On-equip: The next time you would die, your main tank will die instead. If no tanks are left healers will be targeted instead.
Can only happen once every 10 min.
On-use: Turns your mage into a super powerfull melee killing machine, and increases your threat by 200%. Duration is random between 1 sec and 1 min.
Forget portals to Theramore… Iceblocking on Sapp is the new Mage party trick
oh dear oh dear. if these were true, i’d have several of ‘em. i are a failmage sometimes…
Which is a part of the irony of course… We all have Lu’Zor moments!
Nice post. Worst thing about such posts is that Lu’zor Trolls will never come across it. Or maybe Blizzard will start some poster campaign with 3.4 so Lu’Zors don’t miss anything?
I managed to datamine some pieces of Cataclysm Lu’Zor related items and seems that the tooltip of Cloak of the Ooze may or may not be changed to:
“On-equip: randomly drops a bad green patch at the feet of the wearer and stuns them for 5 seconds offering them great excuse to dying and still rolling on loot.”
Token of the Grand Lu’Zor – obviously this item will be THE THING to have in Cataclysm. So far it appears this Token will be reward for new planned huge meta-achievment, combining all previous Lu’Zor achievments to-date plus, you must complete “Debuffing VanCleef hard!” that is doable only during Lu’Zor holiday event (basicaly you need to kill VC while under the effect of Ressurection Sickness – I am already preparing guide for this).
Anyways the Token can be obviously turned in by any of opposite Faction leaders for a helmet. While the stats of the helmet are unknown yet, we were able to datamine some of the designs and seems they will be very similar to “flimsy masks”, depending on the Faction you turned in.
Mmmm Lu’Zor posters?
Do I smell money?
You turn the tokens in to Opposite faction leaders… lol
Thrall will be waiting
You turn the tokens in to Opposite faction leaders… lol
What? I bet average Lu’Zor falls for that!
Blueberry out
How about the “When the going gets tough…I get gone” Achivement for people doing BGs. I have been in some WSG matches where as soon as the enemy (usually Horde ) caps…the people will start bailing on us. Also, the “I am so much better than thou” for the prima donnas in the BGs who can do no wrong, yet spend all the time telling us how bad we suck in Raid chat…rather than actually trying to cap or prevent the enemy from capping.
Ohhh yeah… Ultimate Deserter… Get 3 deserters buffs in any 24 hour period.
I ran into an Uber Resto Druid in WSG last night.
I did my usual
/BG <– Resto
he responded with
<— Uber Resto… My Resto is better than yours
do I need to tell you have much we got thumped?
At one point he complained about honor farmers running away from his heals…
I told him to ignore them and help the ones playing the game… He did and for the briefest of times he appeared uber…
At the end of the game his healing was 3x mine… But mine was on people attempting to win, not providing honor deaths
he was telling us how
When you are running heals though…how often do you get protection. Lately, even in Wintergrasp, my fledgling holy Pally is chucking heals and Beacons of light on these uber warrior tanks..only to draw the attention of every horde player on the field it seems. I think I have been in one WSG as a healer where I actually got in with a group of folks (one was a resto shammy) that we ran heals on a FC and actually had people picking up those who would want to do us bodily harm.
Wintergrasp the results are mixed… I don’t know that most people actually know what there are doing there.. it’s PvP for PvE’er that want to raid.
The other BGs I tend to get looked after, although probably on the same scale as the win/loss ratio.
I make a point at the beginning of every BG to saying:
Squidly: <– Resto
That way they don't assume I am a flag running Enhancement destruction machine.. and know my death probably spells theirs.
If (smart) people know I am around and healing them, they will pick off my opponents. I often chain heal myself (with a little dps on the side of course) until help arrives
Darn that’s cool and just to think I knew allot about Armaggedon well I was wrong. I feel so rejected