With apologies to Nibuca for, as always, treating her Locksensible questions with my own brand of Gnomesense.
She was lamenting the lack of 5 man rewards for geared players.
This made me think of all the ways underachievers miss out.
How will they ever:
- Close the gear gap between themselves and the Hardcore?
- Get to see a raid?
- Solo an elite?
- Get achievements, particularly violet protodrakes?
I think the time has come to redress the balance and I have found the perfect vehicle for these achievements.
There is a little known faction in WoW. You won’t find them mentioned in WoW lore. The reason being that they are the outcasts of outcasts.
Yes a Troll tribe that no one likes, not even other Trolls. They inhabit the forgotten yet unforgiving zones of WoW… Under remote bridges, Official forums, Trade chat, even the Dalaran bank steps.
Let’s recognize the Lu’Zors of WoW.
The time has come to recognize the Lu’Zor Trolls through achievements and gear. The gear itself is directly related to the achievements. If you are too good to get the achievements, you deserve neither the “the Lu’Zor” title nor the epic gear that goes with it.
You are right, these achievers don’t deserve epic gear, they deserve LEGENDARY gear.
Let’s face it, they are legends (in their own lunch boxes).
What’s on Offer?
A title of course, but only for those that truly deserve it.
To receive the “the Lu’Zor” title you must complete all of the achievements.
Not all of these are known just yet, but data mining for the 3.4, post-Icecrown, Pre-Cataclysm patch have revealed the following.
On gaining honored reputation with the Lu’Zor Trolls, or hated with 3 in game factions, or detested on the official forums or Trade Chat (a new mechanism will be introduced in 3.4 to gather everyone’s low opinion of you), you can purchase the Tabard of the Lu’Zor.
This will cost you 12,000 gold (ironically the same price as a choppa) and is proof itself that you are a real Lu’Zor if you would spend the money on this novelty item.
Note: this item will also be available on the Blizzard Store. Blizzard likes to part Lu’Zors from their real life cash.
On-equip bonus: It has the on-equip bonus of reducing all party and raid members stats by 10%
Achievement: Hit Me, Hit Me!
Only achievable in Battlegrounds, but in a variety of ways.
AB: Allow 10 bases to be captured while you are within 20 yards and take no action.
WSG: on 10 occasions, steal the enemy’s flag but remain in their flag room until they steal yours, return, kill you and cap.
EoTS: Cap a flag with less than one tower controlled. This only needs to be done once.
AV: Spend an entire battle in the Field of Strife 10 times.
On-equip bonus: Permanent hunters mark placed on player giving a 10% bonus to all damage received to the player in PvP or PvE environments.
Medallion of the Lu’Zor
Achievement: Full Medallioned Lu’Zor.
Another PvP reward given for allowing 50 flag cappers to pass you buy without any offensive action.
On-equip bonus: randomly procs class specific CC ability on wearer.
Gloves of the Fumbler
Achievement: Can’t Bat, Can’t Bowl
Awarded in Occulus after 5 failed attempts in any one instance run.
On-equip bonus: 5% chance to disarm wearer on any hit, shot or spellcast.
Boots of Two Left Feet
Achievement: Breakdancing Lu’Zor
Achievable by dying to Heigan’s safety dance either on 10 separate occasions, or 5 attempts in a single Naxx run.
On-equip: reduces agility, dodge and hit. Additionally will cause your character to move slightly left, right, backwards and forwards when moving.
When /dance emote is used, will cause player to fall flat on face after dancing for 5 seconds.
Cloak of the Ooze
Achievement: Hector the Cat*
Achievable by dying to Frogger on 10 separate occasions; 5 times within a Naxx run; or 3 times within 5 minutes.
On-equip: randomly drops a bad green patch at the feet of the wearer and stuns them for 5 seconds preventing them leaving the bad.
Harpoon of Horror
Achievement: Wot Poon?
A 300 iLevel polearm item (equipable by any class) that is awarded after successfully allowing 5 harpoons to despawn, or 3 successful misses when in the Gauntlet of Utguarde Pinnacle.
On-equip. Randomly removes one ability from any usable vehicle. Additionally any offensive abilities of that vehicle have a 50% chance to misfire causing no damage.
Shoulders of Stupid
Achievement: Someone Smell Something Burning?
Achievable by standing in the bad until death on 5 occasions.
On-equip: reduces Intellect, Spirit and Spell damage by 20% while increasing stamina by 5%
Chestguard of the Cretin
Achievement: Crit, Crit, Dead!
Achievable by pulling aggro from the designated tank on 3 occasions in any instance or raid and of course, dying.
On-equip: increases threat generation by 30%
Achievement: If I was a Mage…
Another vendor item costing 12,000 gold each (go on, complain about their cost!)
They aren’t unique, in fact it is intended that both ring slots are filled with QQ.
On-use: Friendly target has their class nerfed by 10%. Effect lasts for 1 hour, 30 second cooldown.
Any Other Miners?
I’m hoping that some of my readers have done some data mining of their own and may have discovered some Lu’Zor achievements and gear that they will share with us… Please do!
Lu’Zor for life.
Something I forgot to mention is that “Once a Lu’Zor, always a Lu’Zor“. These Legendary items aren’t BoE, or even BoP.
They are B2CIoP – Bind to Character Immediately on Pickup.
Once equipped there are only 3 ways to rid yourself of these items.
- Delete and reroll Hello Kitty
- Solo Sunwell Plateau
- Defeat Alagon on 25 man hard mode.
Bloody Blizzard Panda-ing to the Casuals
Hardcore QQing because nub casuals get everything these days?
Pffft… Why are they looking this gift horse in the mouth?
You think we are singling out the Hardcore Lu’Zors with these achievements and gear
Come on, imagine trade chat…
Lu’Zor Achievement run. Must be Lu’Zor geared – link Achievements for invite.
Ok, maybe you are right, maybe I am putting undue focus on Hardcore Lu’Zors, but the beauty of this rep and achievement grind it that anyone can do it.
- You are a noob that can’t decide whether your Mage should equip a bow or gun? Achievements for you!
- Alagon on Farm, Hardmodes = softbore? Let’s see how Alagon likes a 25 man Lu’Zor raid!
Why do a buff (naked) run when you can do a debuff run?
You don’t think the hardcore would want more achievements designed for the lowest common denominator? Post this on the official forums and see how many respond with their support!
You know it makes Gnomesense!
Gnomer (the Lu’Zor of Gnomeregan) and Out!
* I was looking for a link to info on Hector the road safety cat… anyway back when I was a kid we had a big fluffy cat telling us all about road safety… Of course the poor guy that wore the suit got hit by a car while crossing the road.
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