An open letter to illiterate Tanks from a healer.
- I realize some of you were at the back of the line when the gods were handing out Intellect.
- I understand that some of you were bending over to tie your plate shoe laces (that can be hard, can’t it), and your brains got stuffed in the wrong end.
- I know this letter will be wasted, after all, you are illiterate, but maybe one of your mates will read it out to you.
That all said, I’m sure you understand the term mitigation. You know, like damage mitigation and wipe mitigation.
The 1st one you can look after yourself. A bit of armor here, dodge there, throw in a bit of parry and maybe a bubble or two and you ate all good.
In fact you don’t really have to try that hard, blizzard gives you blue and purple shinnies with it, buttons to press and even stuff in your trees (No! Not the one you are cutting down, your talent trees!).
Wipe mitigation will take a little bit more thought on your part, but don’t worry, I’m hear to help.
You see we are a team. Actually we are more than that, we are a partnership. You come 1st on my heals list, most of the time, no need to worry about that.
The one time you drop to 2nd on my priority list is when I need a heal. If I am healing myself, I am not healing you. If I am dead, I am healing no one.
Here’s a couple of tips for you one wipe mitigation:
If I make a request, consider it an order.
If I go to the trouble of making a request of you, then heed it. I understand your repair bills can be expensive, don’t increase your costs in 10% increments.
Mana makes the heals go round.
I need mana to heal you. Many things consume mana, mostly they are heals and chain heals cost more than the others.
If you charge off to the next lot of mobs when I am low on mana or am drinking, then I hope you can self heal. I will tell you what level of mana I want, as a general rule, but it never hurts to ask me if I am ready. Just type:
/w squidly r?
In future you can just press Enter and up arrow to repeat the question.
Usually after the 1st couple of pulls I can tell you whether to pick up the pace, or take smaller chunks of mobs.
If I tell you to pull less, it’s not because I am lazy, but just that I can’t sustain the heals over that period of time.
Totems are expensive
I drop sticks in the ground that help keep the party alive and doing more damage, they help a lot, I mean a truckload.
The trade off for that is they cost a fair bit of mana… About 20% of my mana will go in buffs.
So we have 2 options:
- We all move, I drop new totems and you wait till I am ready, or
- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle: if I already have a perfectly good set of totems, how about you pull the mobs back. Then we will have less downtime.
More Mobs, Less Mana= Bad
I know you are tough and I am an excellent healer, but there are limits. When you body pull there is a good change you will get more than one group of mobs.
Also the reason I pointed out there was a pat was so you could work around it, not invite it to the wipe.
If I have to tell you more than twice not to pull more mobs, the next thing you will read is Squidly has left the party.
When I tell you there are mobs on me, your No.1 job is to fix that.
You come before the DPS for me…
Make sure I come before the DPS for you.
If they pull aggro while you are prancing around the room picking up those casters that are busting my butt, well, hopefully I can heal them through… assuming I am not getting hit any more. The melee mobs are already chewing on your butt, they will follow you where ever you go.. so go get those casters that care more for me than for you.
If I get a melee mob on me, I will bring it to you, but please take out the casters, the only party member with aggro on them is me, and my aggro is skyrocketing.
Boredom = Bad
Sometimes you aren’t pulling enough. Never fear I will tell you.
If I don’t, feel free to ask.
You see I (and nearly every other healer I expect) am so good at my job that often I am falling asleep at the keyboard while throwing the odd heal.
My experiences in healing so far have shown two distinct periods of healing in instances, plus a third which I prefer.
The catatonic phase: not enough mobs or damage to warrant my presence. I may DPS, but being conscientious I would rather hang onto the mana for the other period.
The OMFG phase: all he’ll breaks loose, I am throwing heals around like chimps throw poo at the zoo. Often with as much effectiveness. If this follows the catatonic phase there is a chance I might be, well, catatonic. Thus someone might die before I wake up.
Cruising phase: There is a 3rd period of healing I like. Constant flows of heals. I stay on my toes, don’t run out of mana and I am warmed up for the OMFG phase.
Once again, I will tell you when I would like you to relieve my boredom. No need to do any extra pulls before I do so.
One of the great things about being a healer is I don’t need to hit mobs, just you. This means that you can invite me to instances I have no right to be in.
The only problem is that I am an aggro magnet. If I have to run up to you, there is a good chance I will pull the other mobs in the room… Probably the next room too.
Unfortunately when they come they will come hit me, not you. Which means no heals for you.
So pull them back away from their mates, back towards me so I can heal you without drawing extra attention.
Best part is I am probably standing near my totems, which means we can keep pulling in small chunks.
I have one and I know how to use it.
If you don’t listen I will make sure I can’t hear your whispers to group up.
Yes I know tanks are in short supply, but so are healers. Just as your friends list is probably filled with healers, mine is filled with tanks. I’ll find another one.
As it is I get a whisper every ten minutes when I am not already in an instance or BG asking me to join a group. Even when I am busy I have people queuing up to use my services.
You aren’t that special, especially if you don’t listen to me.
/kick or quit
If I’m the party leader and you repeatedly ignore my requests, I will /kick you.
If I am not the party leader, I will clearly state to the party that I can’t work with you and promptly drop group. The group can then decide if they want to kick you and get me back, or suffer on through your stupidity.
If you are the party leader… Later… NOT!
Brought to you by the letter S and the stupid noobcake of an illiterate tank in Stratholme on Friday.
Gnomer and Out, Squidly and Stout!
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