Daddy, are you working?
Because my Gnome needs new clothes.
Because the big bad monsters put holes in them.
Because they think Gnomes are nice to eat.
Are they daddy?
No honey. Gnomes taste funny.
Because they have lots of chilli and burn your mouth and tummy.
Yuck daddy, I don’t like chilli.
Do gnomes eat monsters daddy?
Yes honey, my gnome cooks them and eats them.
Like mummy does?
No honey, I throw fire at the monsters and they cook.
Do you burn them daddy?
Is there smoke daddy?
Does the alarm go off daddy? I don’t like the alarm! I have to run out of the house when the alarm rings.
No honey, the alarm doesn’t go off, but sometimes daddy has to run from the big bad monsters.
Sometimes I can’t cook them fast enough and they try to eat daddy.
Because they think Gnomes taste yummy.
No they don’t daddy, Gnomes are covered in chilli daddy and they taste yuck.
Are you playing with Uncle Z! and Uncle Tree Daddy?
Because we need to kill all the spiders in this house.
Because Mummy doesn’t like spiders.
Because she didn’t grow up surrounded by spiders.
Because she grew up surrounded by safe things like lions and crocodiles.
Because her mummy and daddy wanted to live in Africa rather than paradise honey.
Are there webcobs daddy?
Yes honey, where there’s spiders there’s cobwebs.
Are you killing the spiders daddy?
Are you cooking the spiders daddy?
I push this number 1 key here honey, over and over.
Can I kill spiders daddy?
Can I press these other buttons too daddy?
No honey, you just need to press the one button honey, over and over.
Because Blizzard thinks that’s fun honey.
I’m not sure honey. I think it’s a balancing thing. If we only press one button it’s easier to balance.
If you Gnome isn’t balanced will he fall over daddy?
Yes honey, and so will all the big bad monsters.
Ohh daddy, I don’t want that. I want to cook the monsters.
Ok honey, just press 111111111. Ok?
Good boy! Daddy’s going to get a beer and sit in the back yard for a while, OK?
Ok daddy. I cooked the spiders, can I have more?
Yes honey, just ask Uncle Z!
/brb Gnome on auto attack.
This post was brought to you by Odin and the Number 1.
Inspiration provided by Euripedes
Gnomer and Out!
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