Armaggedon's coming!

Kestrel from Kestrals Aerie (WTB Gnome Priest!) and subsequently Arrens, Pixeled Executioner,  Awlbiste, Jezriyah, Medros, outdps, Willel, Greyseer, Holydiscipline, & Stoppableforce got me thinking about this on Twitter the other day.

Oztrlya Gnoo

Here at Oztrlya Gnoo we house some of the world’s most deadly creatures.

We’ve got Taipans, Salty Crocolisks, box jellyfish, but our latest attraction will astound you.

Crikey!

Gnomes.

Gnomes you say, but I thought they were cute and cuddly?

About as cute and cuddly as a Koala on heat (which is vicious btw, you are only more likely to get taken out by the infamous Drop Bear).

Strewth!

Let’s look at the evidence:

• Gnome warriors: encased in steel, wielding steel, bringing destruction

• Gnome Rogues: deceptively cute, would you let one get behind you? Worse, how far up your torso are those daggers going to reach? Oww I bet that hurts! (all males have the right to cringe in unison)

• Gnome Mages: you want fireballs with that? Need I say more?

• Gnome Warlocks: Cute hung? Cute like Darth Vadar! If we were all sweetness and light, why would we traffic in human souls?

• Gnome DeathKnights: no surprises really that Blizzard chose to create Gnome DeathKnights, cause that want we serve for breakfast… Death!

Built tough for death and destruction, not life and construction

• Gnome Engineers: creators? No whey Hosay! We build the chance of death into everything we create!

Few sheep loose in the top paddock!

So what about the other, lighter, side of life?

• Priests: Pfft dedicate our lives to some spiritual hogwash?
  Shadow priests do have some appeal, but Warlocks will do just fine!
  We aren’t namby pamby limp wristed humans!
• Droods: stainless steel and plants never shall meet. Leave that to the tree hugging Elves!
  I mean come on.
  We, I repeat, We destroyed our homeland! Which other seemingly cute, but ohh so destructive race did as good a job of that (excluding human sewers of course)?
• Shamans: worship the elements my cute little backside.
  As outdps pointed out, we can’t even get LoS over our shoelaces, how would we see over (let alone carry) our totems?

Bonza, Bewdy Mate!

If we were Hunter’s pets we would be tenacity or dps pets.
Actually, now I think about it we are perfectly suited to being Hunter’s pets.

Don’t see many of them praying to lost gods, or carrying first aid kits!

Slice of ham short of a ham sandwich!

What if we were (gods forbid) healing classes?

• Priests:
  Our robot gods don’t grant powers so let’s forget that one straight up.

• Druids
  Flight Form: Jezriyah suggested that we could have flight form, just give us a non-combat pet skin. (“My tickbird would totally be Gnomedruid”)
  Bear Form: Medros suggested that bear form would be great and  Jezriyah suggested it would be like the Blizzard 4th anniversary mini-pet.  Personally I suggest we would be like the polar bear cubs.
  Cat form: listen to the Tom cats sing some night and think of us Gnomes.
  Seal form: Just give us penguin form!

• Shaman
  As already mentioned, the totems would be way too cumbersome for us, however Willel suggests that we would make good totems.
  I can be the Fire Nova totem of doom!

Kicking the lead balloon

You know there is a common misconception out there that you can punt Gnomes.

Pat yes, punt No!

• Have you ever kicked a pile of plate armor and come out with your toes in one piece?
• Maybe a little iceberg Iceblock?
• You can’t kick a Rogue, they will just evasion tank you.
• As for Warlocks, go on, kick them, them have your soul in their hand, so see what you get from kicking one!
• Kick a Death Knight and he will just Death Grip you along for the ride.

Cow tipping

Ohh and all you Taurens out there (particularly male ones) don’t tempt us to milk you, we were born just the right height for trouble free udder tickling!

Hasta La Vista Baby the Darleks are coming

So healy-wealy classes we are not, we are built tough, like the Terminator with only one purpose in life…. Exterminate, exterminate, Kill, Crush, DESTROY!

Watch out!

Just remember, there is A reason we have a sign on the Gnome enclosure that reads:

Do not feed the Gnomes!

As Kestrelmentioned to Arrens You forgot about Gnomeaggedon ‘s plan to take over the world, or something like that.  The thing is there is no plan… anymore… You are already nothing but mismatched mechano pieces in my Gnome workshop! MmmuuuHaaahhaaahaaa Boing! Splutter!

You have been warned!

Gnomer and Out!

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http://gnomeaggedon.net/2009/03/02/worlds-deadliest-creatures-gnomes/