Armaggedon's coming!

Imanunlovedgnome writes:

Dear Gnomeaggedon,
Being a 3 foot chubby pallid bald Gnome I have problems getting deep and meaningful relationships with those of the opposite sex.

Even when I dress in my best raiding gear the girls look right over my head, even the short ones.

Now I like a bit of love and color in my life, the occasional pink pig pigtail sets my heart (and the mobs) on fire.

You aren’t that much different to me, in fact you face the additional handicap of having facial hair – green facial hair at that!

Tell me, with valentines day fast approaching, what’s your secret to everlasting love.

Signed,

Desperate and Dateless.

Dear unlovedgnome,

My secret is three fold:

1. I am not fussy,
2. long term love is not all it’s made out to be, a quicky in the wilds is better than a lifetime in the inn,
3. Deception is perfectly acceptable in love.

Here’s how to get yourself a quick colorful love for the night. A once off, never to be repeated experience.

1. Pay the King Mrgl-Mrgl a visit, do a few jobs including picking up the washing for I’m Being Blackmailed By My Cleaner
2. Throw on your snazzy new suit, and go find some luuuuurrrvvvv.

Don’t be afraid to act a little crazy, maybe show off a few of your break dancing moves.

Before you know it, you will have a colorful beau for the night.

Remember, if you don’t appear to be having much success, you are wearing your “lucky in love” jocks,

so it’s only a matter of time before you leave your Murloc temptress spent on the ground.

Remember, the fashion these days is for mixed race children too… so if you happen to forget your mana shield, the tadpoles get out, and there are offspring, well you will be the toast of the catwalk, and invited to all the A-List functions just so you can show off your little one(s).

This has been a Gnomish Service Announcement as requested by the M.A.T.T.I.C.U.S. Corporation.

Actually I am pretty sure this isn’t what Matticus had in mind when he requested Valentine’s posts… but I sure as hell aint sending roses to him in Canada… for one thing, there isn’t a green thing left here in Victoria… everything is burning… last count over 750 properties burnt, 173+ people dead, 100+ people still missing, an estimated 330,000 hectares burnt out.. .

So yeah, any roses left standing in this country are going to people that need them here… after all, Matticus is one of the most loved bloggers out there, he wont be short of secret, and not so secret admirers.

Gnomer and Out!